I don't know what to title this yet. I idolize my husband. So much of my happiness is dependent on him. Some ways you know if you idolize someone/something;
1. You get angry (to the point of doing things you regret, or not characteristic for you to do) when something gets between you and your idol
2. You are really sad (depressed; you have trouble getting out of bed and have no motivation to do anything) when you don't have your idol.
I wish I didn't in some ways. But I don't know how to stop. He is gone for 6 days this week because of a business trip. He left this morning. The past two days were rough. I tried to be strong and not let it bother me, but I know I know I miss him more than he misses me and all I do is waste time/wait until he gets back. He laid with me while I essentially cried myself to sleep the last two nights.
Why am I like this? I used to be SO independent. The last two years of our relationship were long distance. The first year was fun and not too hard. The second year we missed each other a lot, but it was definitely doable. But now I am this puddle of a mess. I have to remember how it is I survived 23 years of life before this without falling asleep next to someone or having someone to come home to/with. What did I do all of that time??? How did I have any motivation?
We have been praying a lot about me putting my attention and investing my energy on God rather than him. It's a lot of pressure for him too you know. I hold him to a standard he can never live up to, no matter how much he wants to. He can never make me happy all the time, or be there everyday, or meet all of my needs at once. No one can, except God.
I have a lot of trouble with that though.
We spent our last day together cooking and baking. It's our past time. He made Beet Soup, and Potato Leek Soup. I made Cinnamon Rolls and Pumpkin/Harvest Bread. Everything turned out great. I don't really feel like typing out some quirky version of these recipes, so here ya go;
Pumpkin/Harvest Bread
Cinnamon Rolls
i have been that way before. and i think of myself as a strong, independent woman too. but the crying to sleep, dinner out of an ice cream carton, and failure to dress for an entire day are not strangers at my house.
ReplyDeleteclinically, i think it's called "codependence." but girl to girl, i think it's called getting used to being spoiled by the one you love.
start small - do something for yourself that you love. like, get a pedicure, or go to a chic flick, or spend a long time shopping (ie walking) for something little that you love. read a book. just start small, and aim for it to be out of the house. call a girl to go workout.
if all else fails, dude, get a cat. seriously. their almost as good as a dog, and way easier to upkeep. (easier than a dog or a boy, as it turns out).
awesome advice. i got a massage. fantasmic
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