i keep coming back to the good stuff

You know how you go through phases of enjoying something so much that you listen to it/eat it/ watch it over and over until you get sick of it? (i write this as i am popping down my fourth fruit roll up in 10 minutes) Well, I must say that I have never gotten sick of My Morning Jacket! A roommate in college introduced me to them and we used to listen to the "Z" album over and over and belt out "Wordless Chorus" without shame. A few years later I moved out to Seattle and watched "I'm Not There" with a friend. There's a scene in the movie where there is a funeral and a man singing "Going to Acapulco" and I thought it sounded like the lead singer from MMJ and it turned out it was! While researching this I realized they have put out more cds and I promptly bought them. The albums "Dawn" and "Evil Urges" are great with their own distinct feel. Something about Jim James' voice just makes me want to toss my hair from side to side and belt out the lyrics. They were on my list of "Bands I Must See Live", and then they came to town a couple of weeks ago just in time for my 3rd honeymoon! Buddy and I snagged tickets and got blasted by their live set. Awesome energy, but I think Buddy and I are getting a little too old for the stand up and get shoved around by sweaty teenagers and drunken 30 year old crowd. We had a good time anyway and I loved the show! So glad I went.

The song my roommate and I used to belt out in our dorm room:

Here's a taste of their new stuff with an intro by Conan. He even mentions the show we attended!

My favorite song from "Evil Urges"

I miss this

I just finished hosting a baby shower. I don't miss that. But I do miss quiet saturday evenings, when the temp is still warm at 8pm and the sun is just beginning its hour long yawn before bedtime around 9pm. I made my second baby sling for a client. This one turned out better than the last. I have posted pics of it on the Projects page. I plan to continue making baby slings for clients as gifts. And I keep getting clients. I hope business is this easy when I am a midwife!

I am in the midst of creating a curriculum for christian childbirth classes. I have learned so much while doing it. I am basing it off of Jennifer Vanderlaan's curriculum.

Buddy and I celebrated our third honeymoon (2nd anniversary) over 4th of July weekend by doing a 5 day backpacking trip in Olympic National Park. It was amazing. Very beautiful! We saw 7 black bears. One of which we had a very close encounter with and quickly realized the difference between mace and bear spray. Don't worry, we didn't end up needing it.

Over this backpacking trip Buddy and I reflected on two major struggles in my life. I am not at peace. I know I will always have things on my To Do list and I can't ever get everything done, I will never be satisfied, and I will alway make myself self insanely busy. Where's the peace in that? If I believe God is in control of everything and His plan is better than mine, then why I am so upset about not completing my To Do list? Or not spending my time the way I want. It's because I don't believe those things. I am constantly trying to make my life better, get things done, and do what I think is best. I don't actually trust in God's plan, I only trust my own. How do I trust God's plan?

The second lesson is that I have still been struggling with a birth I attended last fall. I was the doula for a close friend and she wanted a natural childbirth that turned into a C-section. She was very afraid of that happening and wanted me to help her prevent that. I know she doesn't hold me responsible for what happened, and there's not really anything that I could have done to change the circumstances, but I still felt terrible about it and every time I see her I want to ask her to forgive me. As I was telling Buddy this he helped me realize that I had been feeling like it was up to me to give women the perfect birth. I was making it my responsibility to make sure nothing bad happened to the women I was serving. If I just worked hard enough or knew enough or did the right thing at the right time, maybe I can save all women from having a bad birth. All of this is a lie I honestly believed. No matter what I do, God has a plan for every women's birth. It's not up to me to change that plan. But I can still help them get through it, and to trust God all the while.

This weight will only get heavier as I become a midwife. I can not rely on myself, I must trust God and know that His plan is best. Even if it does not look like a "perfect birth" according to my standards. Each woman has their own experience for a reason.