How I feel

I kept my promise after all!

Ok so I realized the best thing I can do is write a blog about all the amazing things I am learning about as a doula-midwife and hot topics the girls and I discuss.

I am totally pumped! It's still in the works, but here's the beginning: MISSeducation. www.misseducation.blogspot.com was taken already by someone who made ONE post back in 2007 about britney spears!! Ugh! Anyway, it looks like blogger is going to toss blogs that haven't been updated since 2007 in June, so if this blog goes off well then I might be able to nab the blog address without a hyphen. Cross your fingers! What should our first topic be?

I'm gonna forget everything I wrote two days ago

So, already I am trying to bite off more than I can chew. I am a slave to my creativity and insane drive to do EVERYTHING. T$ and I were laughing about Hyperbole and a Half today and then we casually started talking about how the blogor (thats hip lingo I made up for a "blog author" quick! someone write a wiki article about it so people who don't use a dictionary will think it's a real word) quite her job and makes enough money from her blog to get by. Since i am quitting my job in a year anyway, I thought "I can do that! If I get enough followers now, then I can start making money off of the blog by next year to provide a pretty sweet cushion." Forget everything I said two days ago about just following my calling and not filling my time with a bunch of distractions. This doesn't count... So as I biked home and stopped by the grocery store to pick up my dinner this evening, I realized 2 things:

1. How quickly you resort back to bachelorette behavior when your husband is gone

2. I need a gimmick for my blog

Let's start with #1. So I needed to pick up milk because we ran out this morning. As I was picking up milk I realized I had no plans for dinner so I went down the frozen food isle to see what was what. I picked out a bag of frozen food that had a delicious looking picture on the package, included meat AND vegetables, and said it made 2 servings. I thought "oh great, i'll eat a serving tonight and have left overs for lunch tomorrow. totally worth $6, right?" This is how my bachelorette dinner turned out.

Classy, no?

After having a 2 minute argument with myself about whether to save the last little bits for lunch tomorrow, I ended up eating it all. 2 servings my butt!

#2. So what should be my gimmick? Should I even do this? T$ helped me brainstorm some ideas, which include:

• write about food. is that too done? I kinda already do that.
• have a goal like in Julie and Julia, where I try to accomplish something in a year. For example; I could try to see all of the curiosities in the Pacific Northwest in one year.
• OR I could try to tie this blog into my calling by blogging about women's needs, resources for education, tips, tools, hot topics, things you should know, etc.

To top off my bachelorette evening I am going to bring my laptop to Starbucks, have a chai latte, and try to do some homework because I feel smarter there (and less lonely).

rain rain go away, bring back my man instead

Another business trip for my buddy. He'll be gone until Thurs. I always lack motivation to come home from work when he's gone. I had to bike to work in the rain this morning to top it all off.

I'm actually blogging to stall doing homework right now. I have to complete a lab, a crossword (my fav part), and read 3 chapters before taking my mid term all hopefully before Sat. It's gonna be a busy weekend. Is there anything wrong with doing homework at work?

Last night buddy and I snuck out for some dinner at a vietnamese place down the street that was recommended to us. it was awesome! huge steaming bowls of Pho with duck salad for $7! Jealous!? and to top it all off, there was a large group of vietnamese men gathered around a table near us having rounds and rounds of beers and a good old time. They would make jokes that we could only recognize by the resounding laughter at their table and buddy would turn to me and shake his head, "i just don't get vietnamese jokes"... mostly because he doesn't speak vietnamese. Then one of the older men breaks out into this amazing vietnamese sonnet and sings to his friends. some of them join in singing a phrase or two and at a couple of apparently key phrases they would all raise their heinies and take a swig. It was like something from a movie. I felt like I should be dressed like Ayn Rand and we were in some hole in the wall restaurant near Vietnam in the 50's. I was waiting for the waitress to join in and sing a tune and the old man to get up and dance with her across the restaurant like Fred Astaire. Instead, buddy and I finished our romantic meal, paid the tab, and as we got up to leave, the old man looked at us "sorry for ruining your meal!" we laughed and shook our heads "not at all!" and then he looked at me and sang "you're so beautiful" as we exited. I probably blushed.

Off I go to study neurons and eat green curry from a jar.

Happy Easter!

I am constantly amazed by our church. Pastor Mark Driscoll announced just a few months ago that we would hold Easter at Qwest stadium this year and it was hard to comprehend. Flash forward: i am on stage in a gold robe singing "Christ is Risen" in front of over 17,500 people while over 500 people got baptized. One of the most amazing experiences ever. I have never been a part of something so moving.

This is the video of the sermon. Every once in a while you can see me in the front row of the choir just to the left of the cross.

When Pastor Mark walked on stage in front of me and I saw his timer start ticking away 20 minutes, I thought to myself, "how can he possibly preach the Gospel to thousands of unbelievers in 20 minutes?" Well, he did it. And he did it well. Check it out.

When the music is posted you know I will post it here.

It was a blast. I wish all of you could have been there.

My tear jerking moment: I was walking around afterwards as people were still getting baptized. I saw a young woman get baptized, walk down from the tub and hug a young man who I assume was her brother. I recognized the brother as a church goer. She looked at him and hugged him. Initially he kept a stoic faced and hugged back, and then I saw his face change as the emotions overwhelmed him. His stoic look turned into tears of relief and joy and he embraced her tightly, his shoulders beginning to shrug up and down as the tears began to flow. The amount of happiness he must of felt knowing that when either of their lives end on this earth, he knows he will see her again in Heaven. I pray that I would know that about all of you!

I love you all!

Happy Easter!

a new leaf

So I started this blog to figure out those handful of things that make me happy. I think I have found the ticket. I am really excited. I have been struggling for the past year with being overwhelmed in so many ways and constantly not feeling like myself. I've felt edgy and it's been so hard to feel happy. I feel like there is so much to say about what I learned over the past month, but in summation:

-God is GOOD!

-I need to focus on my calling: to serve women

-I need to focus on those things that are part of my calling and stop overloading my time with everything else

-I am so blessed, and I should be (and can be!) happy

So, I went to San Diego for a Women's Leadership Symposium with a bunch (not all!) of my favorite ladies from college and we had some really interesting conversations. One of which was about birth control. Being someone who concerned with empowering women and ensuring they are educated and well informed I want t make a shout out. Everyone (not just women) should understand how their bodies work. And women, especially, should understand their fertility cycle and how their body works, because 1. its amazing, and 2. it could save your life, you future, and the future of your children and so on.

I'm currently reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" its a great book on how our bodies work and how to avoid getting pregnant naturally without the need for pills, barrier methods, or devices. Or, if you are in that phase of your life (which I am not) it also tells you how to get pregnant.

Anyway, that's my soap box for today.

New Year! New Post!? New cupcake recipe!

I know it's hard to believe I've finally made a new post. I have been so busy and so stressed out with everything that I haven't been myself, and haven't had time to blog. My schedule is significantly less busy this quarter, at least, and hopefully I will have more time and motivation to blog. We'll see. All of my blogging promises have come up empty thus far, so don't hold me to it.

A few months ago a dear friend, dare I say mentor, lent me a book called "A Homemade Life" by Molly Wizenberg. I have been slowly going through it like a large, delicious, intensely sweet truffle. Every little bite has been great and I have been taking my time savoring it. Each chapter talks a little about her life or her family and the end of every chapter has a recipe relating to the story. There have been many great recipes that I have been aching to try. This chocolate cupcake recipe was my first so far and I've made it three times this year already. The first time was for New Years Eve and they were quickly devoured. Then I made them again for a friend's birthday. And just recently I used the same recipe for my husband's birthday cake and made chocolate ganache and raspberry sauce as the topping. Decadent and amazing!
An easy must-try recipe. Instead of a sickeningly sweet butter frosting these cupcakes are topped with melted bittersweet chocolate that gently cracks in your mouth with each bite and then slowly melts with the rest of the chocolaty goodness.

Also, if there are left overs do not be offended; somehow these cupcakes are even better the second day!

2011's Bittersweet Cupcakes
'Gredients:
1 oz semisweet chocolate (chips or finely chopped)
1/2 c hot brewed coffee
1 c sugar
3/4 c + 1 tbspn whole wheat flour (or unbleached all-purpose flour if you're a ninny)
1/2 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tspn baking soda
1/4 tspn baking powder
1/4 tspn salt
1 large egg
1/4 c canola oil
1/2 c well stirred plain whole milk yogurt (not the fat free junk)
1/4 tspn vanilla extract

For cupcake topping: 8 oz bittersweet chocolate (chips or finely chopped)

For ganache topping on cake: 1/2 heavy cream, 4 oz bittersweet chocolate (chips or finely chopped)
For raspberry sauce: 1-2 c fresh raspberries, 1/3 c sugar, 2 tbspn lemon juice

Preheat oven to 300 F and line your muffin tin with little cupcake cups.
(If making a cake grease a 8-9" cake pan, place parchment paper in the bottom AND grease the parchment paper. You can also double the recipe to make a double layer cake.)

Pour the semisweet choc into a bowl with the hot coffee and let it melt, stirring occasionally.

In another bowl whisk together all the dry ingredients (sugar-salt).

In your mixer beat the egg on medium for about a minute until it is a bold solid yellow. Beat in oil, yogurt, and vanilla. Beat in melted choc mix until well combined. On low speed, beat in all of the dry ingredients. Scrape down the sides and mix briefly until everything is combined.

Using a 1/4 c measure, spoon batter into the muffin tin (or pour all of it into the cake pan). Bake cupcakes for 20-25 min until a toothpick comes out clean when you poke their little muffin tummies. Let them cool completely before doing the topping. (For the cake, bake ~50 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool.)

Boil water in a small-medium saucepan (keep on a low boil or simmer). Place a glass or metal bowl on top of the saucepan (should fit somewhat inside the pan, but not touch the bottom) and melt the bittersweet chocolate in the bowl until its smooth and inviting. This method helps prevent burning. Pour a heaping spoonful (regular spoon, not soup spoon) on top of each cooled cupcake. Rotate the cupcake to roll the melted chocolate to a smooth cap over the top. Let the melted chocolate cool until it has a matte (dull, not shiny) finish. Enjoy!

For the cake topping:
Heat 1/2 cup heavy cream in a saucepan until steaming NOT boiling. Pour hot cream into a bowl with bittersweet chocolate. Stir occasionally as it melts, shoe away tempted fingers. In a few minutes the choc will melt and only a little bit of cream will be left that can then be stirred vigorously into the chocolate to form a smooth ganache frosting.

While waiting for the choc to melt, put raspberries, sugar and lemon juice into a saucepan and stir over medium heat until the mixture begins to bubble occasionally. The raspberries should be soft, moist, and an intense color. The juice will accumulate and thicken slightly. Careful not to let it burn! Remove from heat.

How you distribute the ganache and raspberry sauce is completely up to you and your guests. Have fun!
This is how I did it:
Pour most of the ganache topping near the middle of the cake. Use the back of a spoon to make an artistic design while spreading the ganache over the top of the cake. (The key is to avoid lifting the spoon until the very end!). Drizzle remaining ganache onto each plate in a zigzag. Place cut cake pieces onto the drizzle design and top with heaping spoonfuls of raspberry sauce.

Yum!!!

Day 5

A great day from beginning to end. I took the opportunity to ride along with a couple of the ladies from my division today while they did work in the field. I met some amazing people, not to mention I got to witness a 2 piece band play on a sandy storm wall as a thunderstorm approached. It was beautiful and dramatic! They played beautiful dixie, ragtime and jazz. I loved it! After this we went out to lunch at the Half Shell and had the most amazing food! We shared charbroiled oysters, I had seafood linguini with artichokes and capers, and then we all shared a bananas fosters cheesecake with vanilla wafer crust! WHEW!! Delicious!!

Then we got to hang out with the most innovative and well organize team I've met. They were so professional and the atmosphere in there work area was creative and open. We ended up having pizza with all of them at the end of the night, sharing stories and laughs. I met one guy who had an amazing story! He was mostly deaf as a kid, joined the military, retired after 21 years, and is now the CEO of a huge multi-business agency, speaks more than 5 languages, owns 7 or 8 houses, and is writing or working on 7 screen plays! How amazing. I could get used to this. Unfortunately I don't think I will have much time in the field after this week.

Day 4

Whew! We are into it now. I am in Mobile, AL. I checked into the command center, and I've started making my way around with the guy I am relieving. He will be here until next week, so I've got a few days to learn the ropes before I have all the responsibility. I prayed about meeting my division and that we would all make a good team and I really feel like my prayers were answered. We have some great people, all very personable and fun. They all seem very capable as well. A few minor personality conflicts exist, but that just keeps things interesting. I feel very blessed to have such a cool opportunity to be apart of history with such a fun job that interests me! Plus it keeps me busy. Hey, if you're gonna be away from home and not on your own terms, you might as well keep busy!
And I have finally moved into a nice hotel with a mini fridge and microwave! It feels good to unpack, stretch out and know that I am going to be in one place for a while.
I was challenged by my mom to try to keep up with my recipe theme on the blog by doing innovative, healthy recipes you can make while staying at a hotel. I am up for the challenge! I don't have any ideas yet, and I don't know how much time I'll have to do it, but the gears are turning.
It is getting a little bit harder to be away from my husband. I miss him! I find my mind drifting to him whenever I see a couple together or when getting ready for bed.
Now that I am here I am trying to establish a routine for meals, bible study and exercise. Oh yeah.. and school work and doula certification and knitting! All while working 12hrs a day. Easy, right?

Day 3

I'm too tired to fully blog right now. I will catch up on day 2 another day... maybe.
However, I went out on an HC-44 flight today to fly over the NOLA area, and see the Deepwater Horizon site from the sky. It was pretty interesting. It's so clean. I was expecting to see tons of oil. I didn't see any! That doesn't mean that there isn't any, but it is pretty clean out there. On the surface any way. Then I met with my bosses and co workers to go over expectations for my new job. following this I went to a knitting store with a friend and spent $44 dollars on knitting stuff! I have high hopes for making a baby outfit for a friend. and then I went to a grocery story to stock up on some healthy delicious foods. then i bgein my drive to mobile alabama. Bye bye NOLA! I hope I get to come back and snag a post card and see some more of your fun shops on magazine st!
I was soooo exhausted driving today. But it was nice driving in my sexy white jetta! When I finally arrive in mobile at 8pm I had to go through a small run around to get to the ICP and get my hotel reservation. I'm at the fairfield inn now.. which is so, so. I dont have a fridge in my room though and I have all these groceries! Hopefully I can switch hotels tomorrow. I really want to unpack and get settled in a nice comfortable room.
I am exhausted. I was thinking about trying to knit tonight, but i think trying to remember how to knit at this level of exhaustion is a bad idea.
good night readers!
wish my luck tomorrow!

Day 1

Day 1;

So, I knew I was going to be sent to the Gulf. I had been planning on it for a while. I just didn't know exactly when or what I would be doing. I put in for a Public Affairs job because I love doing Public Affairs AND I would only have to go for 30 days. So, last weekend my husband, M, and I went for a camping trip out in Deception Pass State Park. I recommend this to every one! It was beautiful. Anyway, the next day after our trip I get my orders and for some reason I decide to fly out right away. Maybe it was because M had already left for a 4 days business trip so I would have been sleeping alone anyway. So within 3 hours of getting my orders I was on a plane to New Orleans (N'awlins). I arrived at 11:30pm, and was picked up by a shuttle driver. I made small talk with him to get a feel for the environment down here

T: "Much change since the oil spill?"

Driver: "Not really"

T: "Cool.....what's a good place to eat?"

I checked in to the hotel and as I arrived in my room and looked at my bed, everything that had happened finally caught up to me. I was in a girl in a foreign city and alone. Why am I here? What am I doing here? Why did I rush out here? Why was I so excited to come?

After settling in and talking to M on the phone, I snuggled up to an old M tshirt and fell asleep.

The next morning I didn't have to show up for work until noon, so I got up, worked out (ran for a petty 1.5 miles), and had a whopping $27 room service breakfast! What a heavy ordeal! A huge plate of scrambled eggs, hash browns, and two massive sauages with a thick slice of cinnamon-grilled granny smith apple. De-lish! Then I had a brief devotional. I am currently reading Acts.

I read Acts Ch 9 today. I was struck by Philip's confidence and fearless ability to run up to the Eunuch after the Holy Spirit told him to. How many times have I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me to do something but I responded by doing nothing out of fear? Even when it's something as simple as saying something to someone about God, or approaching someone and saying Hi. After all the evidence of God's goodness and graciousness, I still hesitate.

I went to work to discover that in two days I am being sent to Mobile, AL to take over as the leader of a division at the Command Post. Crazy! What do I know? I pray that God will be able to guide me!

After spending the day hanging out at the Command Post, I headed back to the hotel room and a bunch of us headed out to Acme Oyster House for dinner. I has grilled oysters and seafood gumbo. All of it was great. Very yummy. A few of us went down Bourbon Street to Cat's Meow for some karaoke. Bourbon Street is just what I imagined. Dirty, music flowing from buildings like a flood from all directions, and neon lights hanging above numerous sad businesses that perpetuate the worst form of slavery and degradation. I feel a deep sense of sadness and pity for both the costumers and the employees. Why does this even have to be a part of our world? I am so glad my husband makes the extra effort to avoid these places and seeing those things. He's such a strong, wonderful, respectful man.

Anyway, we ended up not being patient enough to sing karaoke and headed home. Now I am tired, and not sure if I am going to work out tomorrow morning. I hesitate to realize my empty bed...

But I look forward to tomorrow!

a new capter in life + travel = update blog!

I am still working out the kinks, but I wanted to re-vamp the site because I am doing some new things. A quick update:
-I am changing careers
-I was sent to the Gulf of Mexico for Deepwater Horizon Response

Solitude and Jurassic Paninis

So recently I have been struggling with solitude. I think since I started living alone two years ago I began to transition from an extreme extrovert to more of an introvert. I was concerned when I first moved into my own place that it would be hard to deal with the solitude. It turned out to be quite peaceful and rejuvenating. Nevertheless, it was a new experience for me and I didn't realize how much I valued my alone time until just recently. Our Pastor at Church (we will call him Pastor M) preached a sermon on solitude. It really struck me. I realized I had been really tired (emotionally and mentally mostly) for a while now and I wasn't sure why. Now, writing this I am beginning to put it together. Going from living alone and transitioning into an introvert to living with someone who is close to you most of the day, every day, has really worn me down. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my time with husband. That is why it is so hard to realize I need time apart from him.

So the past 3 weeks exaggerated this realization because I had a horribly long and intrusive 10 days at work (I had to work over the weekend) and then before it was even over we had a house guest. This house guest was so much fun, but still taxing! That week with him was so busy and slowly wore me out even more. Then, two days before house guest #1 left, house guest #2 came! House guest #2 is still here and she is wonderful to have around and things have slowed down a bit, but I still feel like I haven't had any rest. Yesterday I had to go to my favorite bookstore, buy an iced vanilla latte with whip cream, and sit there with my Bible and my journal and just have some quiet one on one time with God. It's sad and frustrating that we don't automatically go to God for respite. Whenever I had a free moment the past 3 weeks I would do things like watch tv and eat ice cream to try to relax, but it never seemed to give me the peace I was searching for. That time at the bookstore was great. I didn't actually want to leave. It wasn't enough. I definitely need more. Two final notes on this:
To my house guests if you happen to read this- I love you! Thank you so much for coming over!! I don't regret it at all and I would have you both over again in a heartbeat. I just didn't give myself relax time and that's my fault. Not yours.
And I forgot the second note. Great.

Jurassic Panini(')s
I don't think there is supposed to be an apostrophe after Panini, but it doesn't look right without one. Anyway, when I was a young teenager my mommy and I would got out to mother-daughter lunches before or after seeing a movie. We would always go to this little coffee/sandwich shop next to the movie theatre and once we had our first "American As Apple Pie Panini" we were pretty much hooked. The same day we had this panini, we almost got kicked out of the shop for laughing so hard at this ridiculus conversation that I ended up knocking over a vase and breaking it. Side note... that was the third vase I had accidentally broken in that shop. The conversation, as many famously funny conversations go, has faded from our memories except for one comment. I was trying to describe someone's reaction to something as "drastic" and my mommy heard "jurassic" and we started laughing hysterically at the thought of this person breaking into a tyrannosaurus rex impression, holding up their hands at their chest with two fingers outstretched like the dinky arms a T-rex has and screaching a pathetic roar with a dramatic roll of the head. So, needless to say it was a great sandwich!
Here is my home-made version affectionately called...

Jurassic Panini

Ingredients: (makes 4 sammys)
8 slices sourdough bread
2 tbspn mayo
1 tbspn raspberry preserves
1/2 tspn lemon zest
1 apple thinly sliced (crispier the better, granny smith is great)
8 slices Roast Beef
4 slices Turkey
Lettuce (amount depends on how much you like on your sammy. I don't recommend too much)
2 small tomatoes (enough slices for 4 sammys)
4 slices mild cheddar or colby cheese
butter as desired

Butter one side of each piece of bread (that will be the outside of your sammy) before beginning. Combine mayo, preserves and lemon zest. Smother four of the slices of bread (non-buttered side) with raspberry-mayo. Apply apple slices on top of raspberry-mayo so that they cover the bread. Place one slice of roast beef on top of apples. Place one slice of turkey on top of roast beef. Place lettuce on top of turkey. Cover lettuce with second slice of roast beef. Top with tomatoes, cheese and then final slice of sourdough (butter side out!).

Place sandwiches in panini grill or grill on low heat on your stove top with skillet or saucepan (like me!). Flip over sandwiches and allow the bread to toast to a golden brown until the cheese begins to melt. Remove from grill/stove and enjoy!

Its been a while Strawberry Shortcake

So yesterday was Part I of our Valentine's Day. We got so much work done around the house! We madea huge list and accomplished it all. This past weekend was pretty busy altogether. On Friday night I had an awesome "Lost" marathon (we watched 3 episodes and decided we were falling asleep too much) with a dear friend. Then on Saturday M (husband) and our friend F and I went hiking. M and I wore 20lb backpacks in training for summiting Mt Rainier. It wasn't too bad, but it definitely added another element to the hike. We then all came back to the house, had amazing burgers for lunch and watched "This is it" the Michael Jackson tribute movie. Maybe we were just exhausted and not in the right mood, but that movie was not so great. It was neat seeing MJ do all of his crazy moves. He still had it at 50, that's for sure! But the whole movie was just a really extreme example of idol worship. Everyone tip toed around him and put all of their worth and happiness in this show. It's so sad to see. I wonder how they are all doing considering they invested so much (financially and emotionally) in that show. On Sunday we spent all day at church! M and I went to the 0900 service and then rushed back for lunch and then back to church for Biblical Marriage class, and then back home for a quick 40 min break and then back to church for out Community Group Leader interview. M is trying to become a Community Group leader and it's pretty interesting to watch. We really love hosting people and sharing time and food and good words. But it's going to be a big change (if that is indeed what comes out of our interview)! THe hardest part is going to be leaving our current Community Group. We love the friends we've made. It's going to be hard starting over.
So by Mon evening M and I were pretty exhausted. But I couldn't resist making a yummy dessert for Valentines Day. Luckily it was a v. easy recipe and didn't take much time, energy or patience!

Strawberry Shortcake:
recipe adapted from Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook

Ingredients
5-6 c sliced strawberries
1 c sugar
2 c flour
1/2 c sugar
2 tspn baking powder
1/2 c butter
1 egg
2/3 c milk
1 c whipping cream
2 tspn sugar (optional)

Preheat over to 450 degrees. Combine strawberries and 1 c sugar in a saucepan and simmer on low heat until sugar melts (dont let the strawberries get mushy!). Remove from heat and place in a bowl in the fridge to cool.
Stir together flour, 1/2c sugar, and baking powder. Cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
In a seperate bowl, beat egg and add milk. Add egg mixture to flour mixture. Stir just until moistened. Spread the dough into an 8.5" square or circular baking dish.
Bake for 15 min, until a wooden toothpick just barely comes out clean. Let cool for about 10 min.
Meanhwile, whip whipping cream and 2 tspns sugar together until the cream is the right texture for you (approx. 5 min?)
Cut the shortcake into 6-9 servings, and split each serving into 2 layers. Distribute strawberries in between the layers and on top of each serving. Top with a dollop of whip cream and enjoy!

All is right again Chewy Chocolate Gingerbread Cookies

So, from my last post, here are some ways i coped with the loneliness:
-tried to plan activities that involved interacting with other people almost every night
-tried to take up knitting again while falling asleep to "Phantom of the Opera"
-borrowed my neighbors doggy in the evenings for company

Segue:
My neighbors are awesome! I had an amazing dinner with them on Monday to take my mind off of worries. They are slightly older than me and husband and they have a 7 mo old adorable cutie. They are essentially examples of the people husband and I hope to be in a few yrs or so. It's really fun seeing a peer-ish couple doing the kid thing and still being cool, fun, interesting and not all consumed by child. They are v. loving toward the babe by the way. She's going to grow up great. I think you can tell a lot about a family by how the baby takes in the world. Neighbor baby (we will call her N) is a v. well adjusted, easily amused, calm baby. I want one just like her!
Anyways, the new neighbors like to cook and bake, and that was actually our first intro to them. The age old "Hi new neighbors! We baked some goods for you to welcome you to the neighborhood!" V (wife type neighbor) baked some amazing ginger cookies with large chunks of melt in your mouth chocolate and cocoa flavor all around. They were delicious! So, I borrowed her recipe, made it, and loved the cookies again. I do not know who the originator of the recipe is or I would give them mad props. Also, I plan on baking a ton of these and giving them in little baggies to all non-family for Christmas due to budget-induced-tight-walletedness.
A must post recipe:

Chewy Chocolate Gingerbread Cookies
(Makes about 20 cookies)

-7 oz high quality semisweet chocolate chopped up (I used 3/4 of a 12oz bag of Ghiradelli choco chips)
- 1.5 cups + 1 tbsp flour
-1.25 tsp ground ginger
-1 tsp ground cinnamon
-1/4 tsp ground cloves
-1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
-1 tbsp cocoa powder

Chop chocolate in 1/4" chunks. Combine dry ingredients listed above. Set aside.

8 tbsp (1 stick) unsalted butter (room temp)
1 tbsp ginger
1/2 cup dark brown suger
1/2 cup unsulfured molasses
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup granulated sugar

Beat ginger and butter in electric mixer with paddle attahcment until fluffy (about 4 min). Add brown sugar until combined. Add molasses until combined.

Dissolves baking soda in 1.5 tsp boiling water (I know this is a ridiculously small amount of water to boil, but I guess this step is important. So boil a few cups of water and then use only 1.5 tsp). Beat half of the flour mixture into the butter mixture. Beat in baking soda mixture. Beat in rest of flour mixture. Add chocolate and mix. Wrap up the complete cookie batter into plastic wrap. Refrigerate.

This is the part that is up to your discretion; Refrigeration.
The key to chewy cookies is refrigeration time. If you want denser, flatter, heavy, chewy cookies refrigerate these babies for ~2hrs. If you want really fluffy cookies do not refrigerate at all. My preferred time frame for chewy, slightly dense, yet light cookies is 1hr.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Roll cookies into into 1" balls and roll in granulated sugar (this gives them that pretty sugar plum christmas look!). Place on non-stick cookie sheet and bake for about 10 minutes. The cookies will look plump and raised with a couple of cracks in them. Be careful! 2 minutes too late for these cookies can make them v. crunchy and not as yummy.

Let cool until you can bear to pick up the hot aromatic melted chocolate goodness and stuff your face!

Love.

Day 1

I don't know what to title this yet. I idolize my husband. So much of my happiness is dependent on him. Some ways you know if you idolize someone/something;
1. You get angry (to the point of doing things you regret, or not characteristic for you to do) when something gets between you and your idol
2. You are really sad (depressed; you have trouble getting out of bed and have no motivation to do anything) when you don't have your idol.

I wish I didn't in some ways. But I don't know how to stop. He is gone for 6 days this week because of a business trip. He left this morning. The past two days were rough. I tried to be strong and not let it bother me, but I know I know I miss him more than he misses me and all I do is waste time/wait until he gets back. He laid with me while I essentially cried myself to sleep the last two nights.
Why am I like this? I used to be SO independent. The last two years of our relationship were long distance. The first year was fun and not too hard. The second year we missed each other a lot, but it was definitely doable. But now I am this puddle of a mess. I have to remember how it is I survived 23 years of life before this without falling asleep next to someone or having someone to come home to/with. What did I do all of that time??? How did I have any motivation?
We have been praying a lot about me putting my attention and investing my energy on God rather than him. It's a lot of pressure for him too you know. I hold him to a standard he can never live up to, no matter how much he wants to. He can never make me happy all the time, or be there everyday, or meet all of my needs at once. No one can, except God.
I have a lot of trouble with that though.

We spent our last day together cooking and baking. It's our past time. He made Beet Soup, and Potato Leek Soup. I made Cinnamon Rolls and Pumpkin/Harvest Bread. Everything turned out great. I don't really feel like typing out some quirky version of these recipes, so here ya go;

Pumpkin/Harvest Bread

Cinnamon Rolls

i might have a problem peanut butter bars

It's my day off from work. I had to work a v. stressful event over the weekend starting from Thurs. and I have been exhausted. Too much sun and heat, on the water all weekend dealing with careless people. I decided to take a comp. day from work. As usual I come up with a menacing list of "to dos" on my relax day. I need to go grocery shopping and I wanted to finish reading my Bible today (selfishly so I can move onto another book). I just wrote 30+ thank you notes. How do I decide to spend the rest of my afternoon? Baking peanut butter bars with 1 1/2 sticks of butter to make me feel even worse about not working out!

Recipe taken in part from Jif

Ingredients:

Crust:
1 stick butter
3/8 c sugar
1/2 c flour
3/4 c oatmeal

Peanut Butter Bars:
1/2 stick butter
1/2 c water
1/4 c peanut butter (a bit more if you want a stronger pb flavor)
1/4 c oil
1 c flour
1 c sugar
1/2 tspn baking soda
1/4 c milk
1/2 tspn vanilla
1 egg

Crust:
Mix dry ingredients. Add in melted butter and mix until combined. Press into the bottom of an 8"x 8" pan.

Peanut Butter Bars:
Heat butter, water, peanut butter, and oil in a saucepan, stirring occasionally. Once it is brought to a boil, set in fridge to cool.

Combine dry ingredients in mixture. Add milk, vanilla, and egg. Add peanut butter mixture and combine. Pour into 8"x 8" pan over crust. Place in 380 degree oven for ~40 min, until the corners brown and pull away from the edges and a chopstick comes out clean after poking the center.

Enjoy!

My husband is coming home Linzer Torte

This one goes out to the Mommys.
My husband grew up in Germany. His mother is a great cook and baker. He has a few "Mother made this" favorites, and they usually turn into favorites of mine too. This is one of those favorites. My husband had to go on a business trip the past three days and it was our first time apart since we got married. I missed him and wanted to treat him to something special when he got home.

I also have a habit of launching right into a project without knowing for sure whether I have everything I need to get through the project. Despite the numerous amount of times I have gotten half way through a project and realized I didn't have the tools I needed, I continue to make this mistake. But it is usually a great experience. Even if the food didn't turn out great, I learned some really good tricks for how to get by without things I thought I needed, or a neat alternative to what the recipe calls for. I realized I owe this characteristic to my Mommy.

When I was a little stranger than baker, my mommy would have to make meals for me with v. little in the pantry. She became v. wise in the skill of improvisation. Watching her jaded me to the thought that something is impossible without a certain ingredient or tool. I've learned to do without actual powdered sugar, buttermilk, and even eggs, among other things!

This was also one small part of the development of my inner motto: nothing is impossible.

Anyway, the original recipe calls for raspberries and raspberry preserves. I had a few raspberries, more blueberries, and tons of strawberry preserves. I also had a blender instead of a food processor, not enough almonds, and no hazelnuts. Whatevs!

This recipe taken in part from Joy of Baking

Ingredients:

Preserves:
1/2 c frozen raspberries
1 c blueberries
1/4 c sugar
1/2 tspn currant wine (optional)
2-3 tbspn strawberry preserves

Linzer Torte:
1/4 c plain almonds
1 1/2 c walnuts
1 1/2 c flour
2/3 c sugar
1 tspn ground cinnamon
1/8 tspn ground cloves
1/4 tspn salt
1/2 tspn baking powder
14 tbspn (~1 and 2/3 stick) cold butter
1 egg, 1 egg yolk
1 tspn vanilla extract

Preserves:
Heat and stir raspberries, blueberries and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat until it begins to boil. Turn down the heat to a simmer and allow most of the juices to evaporate (~ 15 min). The result should coat the spoon. Stir in currant wine. Before it burns, pour it into a measuring cup and add strawberry preserves until the mixture makes 1 cup. Stir the mixture together and place in the fridge.

Linzer Torte:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place almonds and walnuts on a baking sheet and place on center rack in the oven. Let the nuts bake until they are aromatic and slightly browned (~10 mins). Remove from oven to cool. Once the nuts are cool, place nuts and 1/2 c flour in blender. Blend up the nuts and flour until the nuts are relatively finely chopped (really, whatever your preferance is). This may require plenty of pulsing, stopping to turn off and unplug the blender, and push down the mixture on the sides into the center with a long handled rubber spatula or fork. (I recently met a little old lady who got her fingers sliced up in a blender just 2 days ago, so this was a v. slow, cautious process for me.) Once the nuts are chopped to your satifcation, pour into the bowl of your mixer. Add remaining flour, sugar, ground cinnamon, ground cloves, salt, and baking powder and mix until combined. Add the butter in pieces. Mix. With all intentions of adding only the egg yolk to the mixture, accidentally add in one whole egg. Then carefully seperate the second egg so you only add an egg yolk. Add vanilla extract and mix until the dough is so moist you don't think it will work right as a crust.

Scoop out a little less than half of the dough and place on aluminum foil in the freezer. With the remaining dough, spread into the bottom and up the sides of a tart pan. You will have to use a spatula, and you will really begin to doubt the consistancy of the dough. It will be sticky and a little hard to handle.

Pull remaining dough out of the freezer, place another peice of aluminum foil on top and roll the dough between the foil into a circle slightly larger than the tart pan. You might have trouble removing the top sheet of foil. If so; place the dough in freezer for another 5 minutes. Remove top sheet of foil and realize the dough is too sticky to cut into pretty little slices for lattice work on top of the tart. Take a butter knife or spoon and scoop up rows of the dough to pinch off and drip on top of the tart in a design of your choice. The truth is it is so moist it will spread out and bake in a totally different shape anyway. Let it go. It will still be extremely tasty.

Bake the tart in your 350 degree preheated oven for about 35 min until the edges begin to brown and the dough is soft, but makes a dull knocking sound when you tap it with a chopstick. Remove from oven and let cool. Dust with powdered sugar.

This tart is really good straight from the oven, or a couple days old. I prefer it warm either way.

Enjoy!

low budget lemon bars

Sometimes things fall into place. My husband and I are trying to be good stewards of God's money. This past week was the last week of our first month's budget and we had about $7 left for groceries. A friend at work went blueberry picking with his family and gave me a ton of extra blueberries. I spent the remainder of the work day (including a 2 hr meeting) contemplating the best way to use these blueberries. I decided to put them in a lemon bar recipe. But, as it turned out, we didn't have lemons and only 1/8 c lemon juice. What do you do when the world gives you no lemons? Make low budget lemon bars!

This recipe is taken in part from Joy of Baking

Ingredients:

Crust:
1 stick vegetable spread or margarine (it was the cheapest "butter" we could find. We didn't realize it wasn't butter until we got home)
1/4 c powdered sugar
1 c flour
1/8 tspn salt

Filling:
1 c sugar
2 eggs
2/3 cup orange juice
1/8 cup lemon juice (optional!)
1 tbspn flour
1 c blueberries

For the crust: Mix sugar and butter until smooth and light (whatever that means). Add flour and salt and mix until combined. Press the dough into the bottom of an 8"x 8" baking pan and bake in 350 degree oven for ~25 min until the dough looks cooked but not quite brown. Remove from oven to cool while making filling.

For filling: Mix eggs and sugar until smooth. Add orange juice (and lemon juice if you've got it) and mix again. After juice is combined, pour in flour while mixing. When completely mixed, add in blueberries and stir around. Pour into baking dish over crust, spreading the blueberries evenly. Bake in 350 degree oven for 30-40 minutes until berries start to burst and the edges of the crust begin to brown.

This dish is gooey-er than usual lemon bars when still warm. If you let it cool for a couple of hours it will be easier to serve. Serving warm is still really good, but it will serve more like a cobbler than lemon bars.

Enjoy!

crying croissants

I have been married about a month. There are a lot of emotions that go into marriage. I bake because I feel like I am telling people how much I care for them; that I want them to feel good. I bake because I like to see people enjoy the food and be tempted to break diets because of how good it tastes. I bake for my husband because I love him and I want him to feel loved. Baking is an act that involves all of the senses. You enjoy the texture, the smell, the sight, and especially the taste. I love the sounds associated with baking; pyrex dishes being clanked with spoons, mixers going while ovens are warming. I want those sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures all to be connected with my love (it's ok if you're nausiated by this point).

I made croissants last week after going on a backpacking adventure with my husband. We went on an 8 hr (roundtrip) hike that involved an incredibley steep 1.5 mile stretch right at the end. It was hot and steamy, my thighs felt like they were going to give out, and we were being eaten alive by bugs. We arrived at the top of the mountain to find a gorgeous lake with steep cliffs on three sides. After finding a camping spot we pitched our tent and dived inside to avoid the swarm of mosquitoes and skin licking flies. We spent the rest of the evening and morning in our little tent avoiding bugs, playing cards games, napping and heating up the water for a horrible freeze dried package of Pad Thai with two lighters. Needless to say, when we got home the next day we were starving and exhausted.

I wanted to bake something for us to enjoy for breakfast for the following week. We were short on time and I had started the dough for croissants last week and it was about to go bad. I decided to make criossants. Croissants are a very tricky thing to make, and this was not the right time to do it. Our apartment has no A/C and the temperature was over 80 inside. I was tired and short tempered, and felt pressured to make a baked good that would compensate for the crappy emotions I was feeling and would make my husband feel loved. Bake this recipe with caution;

Recipe borrowed in part by Leslie Mackie's Macrina Bakery & Cafe Cookbook

Ingredients:
1 1/2 c whole milk
1 1/2 tbspn dried yeast
3 tbspn granulated sugar
2 tbspn vanilla extract
1 1/2 tspn salt
3 cups, 3 tbspns, and a bazillion more cups flour
3 sticks chilled, rechilled and chilled again butter
1 crappy rolling pin
2hrs impatience
1 confused husband

Warm milk to yeast cultivating temp (v. warm bathwater temp), and sprinkle in yeast, sugar and vanilla. Whisk. Let sit for 5 minutes until yeast blooms.

Combine 3 c flour and salt in a medium bowl. Add milk/yeast mixture, and stir. Don't over mix this dough. Cover dough and place in fridge for 8 hrs-one week.

Cut butter into ~12 pieces, and combine with 3 tbspn flour in a mixer. Mix until smooth. With a spatula remove the butter and place on a floured surface. Form the butter into a 6" square, flour top and bottom. Attempt to wrap the butter square with plastic wrap and place in freezer. Expect to begin feeling frustration at this point.

Once butter square and dough are the same temp, roll out dough into a 7" square on to floured surface. Pull the corners about 4" away from the center and place the butter square in the center. Bring the corners over the top of the butter and cinch the corners together so it looks like a squarish lump of dough. Sprinkle more flour on to the counter, the dough and on your crappy rolling pin and begin the impossible task of rolling the dough into a 12"x 20" rectangle.

Give up and settle for something close to these dimensions. Then begins the bidissing book fold process. These folds will make you cry with frustration, but hang in there. It won't look perfect, but as long as you keep folding the dough, it will give the effect of a flaky croissant.

With the longer side facing you, fold both ends in towards the center so they meet. Then fold the left side on top of the right side (the original center of the dough will now be the 'hinge' of the book). Lift the folded mass that looks more like a subway roll than a book onto a lined baking sheet and place it in the freezer. You will probably only be a little flustered at this point.

In 20 minutes you will begin this process again starting with rolling the dough out into a 12"x 20" rectangle. The dough will break and butter will seap and ooze out. Attempting to pinch the dough together will only tear it more so use your bazillion cups of flour in reserve at this point to dry up those butter spots. After you have completed the bidissing book fold so that it looks worse than the last time, put the dough on the lined baking sheet again, throw it in the freezer and slam the door. Run upstairs and throw yourself on the bed dramatically. After waiting 10 minutes, ask your husband what he is doing and why he isn't making you feel better.

After 20 minutes has passed, pull the dough out of the fridge and do the whole process again. You will do this two more times for a total of four sets of book folds, the last one ending with you slamming the freezer door shut and crying into your elbow.

This dough can be rolled out, cut into triangles and rolled up into croissants. Or you can make them into "Morning Rolls" by cutting the dough in half, rolling the dough out (~10"x 20"), spreading a sugar mixture (1 1/2 cup sugar and 1 1/2 tbspn vanilla extract) on the surface of the dough, and then rolling it lengthwise into a log and cutting into six short rolls. Do this again with the other half of the dough. Let sit at room temp (or in fridge if your room is over 80 degrees) for 1 hr.

Place the twelve rolls in a muffin pan and bake in 385 degree oven for ~45 min until golden brown. Remove rolls from pan before they cool completely or else the sugar will harden and the rolls will stick to the pan.

Enjoy!